I remember when you were two days old. The depths of post partum depression shredded up any morsel of confidence I had as a mother – even as a mom with her third baby.
I spent that day crying, overwhelmed by fears.
I spent the day rocking you.
I spent the day with my arms gently holding you, while I rocked in God’s arms, gently holding me.
I spent that day crying.
I should know what I am doing by now.
What’s wrong with me?
I can’t raise this child.
I am not cut out for this role.
Lord, what have I gotten myself into?
Lord, what have YOU gotten me into?
I remember Hannah and her tears as a mother. She cried out for a child and the Lord gave her Samuel. Later she brought him to the temple and dedicated him to God.
“As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” I Samuel .1 26-28
I am sure Hannah cried that day as she gave the Lord back her most precious gift – her son.
I joined Hannah that day in December with my tears – a mother’s tears. A mother’s prayer.
I held you and dedicated you to God.
I prayed, “Now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”
Sometimes our only prayer is our tears and our surrender of our most precious gift into God’s hands.
I spent another day with mother’s tears.
On Sunday, you graduated from seminary on your way to being a pastor in the Lord’s service. Once again I released you to the Lord. I lifted up my child into the Lord’s service.
This time my mother tears were not from depression or fear.
My eyes flowed with tears of thankfulness and praise.
Our tears, released to God.
“Relax and rest. God has showered you with blessings. Soul, you’ve been rescued from death; Eye, you’ve been rescued from tears;” Psalm 116:7 (The Message)
Tears splashed into blessing.
Beautifully expressed, Jeanie. A great season of life to be in, but full of those poignant moments.
Jean Wise says
Thanks for all the affirming comments. Sometimes just releasing our kids into the hands of God is the most difficult yet only and best thing to do.
This is beautiful Jean! Congrats to Brian and Congrats to you for raising him to serve!
We just read the story of Hannah in church a couple of weeks ago — I hadn’t read it before, and it really made an impact on me.
I suffered from post-partum depression with my first-born — it was terrible. And I wasn’t a believer at the time, so there was no praying involved!
So wonderful…your son’s graduation from seminary!! You must be so proud of him!
Jeanie, a great post. I think all moms can relate to that. I love that “sometimes our only prayer is our tears.” Great emotion in this. Blessings**
Jean Wise says
Motherhood can be so hard so we need to rejoice in the wonderful moment and cherish them in our hearts. Thanks all for visiting and commenting.
Marti Pieper says
What a privilege to see God’s answer to your prayer of surrender. What a blessing to have a grown son who follows Christ with his whole heart.
“Tears splashed into blessing.” I’ll remember that the next time motherhood brings me to tears.
Thanks, Jean. And congratulations to you and your son!
Amy Danielle says
What a beautiful tribute to a mother-son love.
Beautifully written. I can definitely sympathize with postpartum depression. It seems that you found a creative outlet for it though-which does help! It must be wonderful to see your child all grown up and doing good deeds…trying to better the world! It’s truly amazing what God can do with your worries, tears…and what was once nothing more than a twinkle in your eye.
Tweeting it out for Tweet Me Tuesday!!
Beautiful post. You must be so proud of him. I’m not anxious for mine to grow up, but it will be wonderful to one day see them living out the plan and gifts God gave them as adults. Great job, Mom. ;0)
Tweeting this as part of Tweet Me Tuesday! ;0)
Hi I popped over from Tweet Me Tuesday. I could so relate to this. I still remember when my first was born and I went home with her. My husband had a business obligation he couldn’t get out of. There I was, all alone with this new and precious child. WHAT do I do with her. I was so scared. But as with you, God saw me through. We both survived and now are blessed as well with her own family! God is GOOD! Thanks for some delightful memories! 🙂