I remember when you were two days old. The depths of post partum depression shredded up any morsel of confidence I had as a mother – even as a mom with her third baby.
I spent that day crying, overwhelmed by fears.
I spent the day rocking you.
I spent the day with my arms gently holding you, while I rocked in God’s arms, gently holding me.
I spent that day crying.
I should know what I am doing by now.
What’s wrong with me?
I can’t raise this child.
I am not cut out for this role.
Lord, what have I gotten myself into?
Lord, what have YOU gotten me into?
I remember Hannah and her tears as a mother. She cried out for a child and the Lord gave her Samuel. Later she brought him to the temple and dedicated him to God.
“As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” I Samuel .1 26-28
I am sure Hannah cried that day as she gave the Lord back her most precious gift – her son.
I joined Hannah that day in December with my tears – a mother’s tears. A mother’s prayer.
I held you and dedicated you to God.
I prayed, “Now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”
Sometimes our only prayer is our tears and our surrender of our most precious gift into God’s hands.
I spent another day with mother’s tears.
On Sunday, you graduated from seminary on your way to being a pastor in the Lord’s service. Once again I released you to the Lord. I lifted up my child into the Lord’s service.
This time my mother tears were not from depression or fear.
My eyes flowed with tears of thankfulness and praise.
Our tears, released to God.
“Relax and rest. God has showered you with blessings. Soul, you’ve been rescued from death; Eye, you’ve been rescued from tears;” Psalm 116:7 (The Message)
Tears splashed into blessing.