“When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage.
Now when the first came they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage…
Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me or are you envious because I am generous?”
Matthew 20 9-10, 15
It’s not fair, Lord.
I am a good girl. Well, most of the time, I try to make the proper Godly decisions.
I bite my tongue when I want to lash out in anger or revenge.
I don’t gossip – or at least less than some I know.
I try, I really do.
Tonight I stomp my two-year-old feet and complain with the most whiny voice I can, mispronouncing my protest due to my pouting lower lip.
Yes I am jealous when others get book contracts.
I admit my envy when my friends lose weight or reach their weight watcher goal.
I crave the granite backsplashes and large master baths on HGTV.
You ask if I am resentful when you are generous with your grace, gifts and love?
The answer is a loud YES.
I confess my envy.
But it is your other statement that shatters my ego and reminds me who I am and who you are.
“Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me”
Sigh…
Lord, please forgive me. Yes of course you, God of all the universe, have every right to choose to do whatever you want with what belongs to you.
My heart begins to remember when I received what I didn’t earn and when you protected me beyond reason.
I take my place in your shadow, knowing your love and grace falls lavishly on everyone, including me.
Grace is never deserved – only freely given.
What is not fair is my insistence on being first when you honor all.
Lord, you are more than fair – you are generous.
And I am grateful for your forgiveness and ongoing gracious kindness.
So why did I read this twice? 🙂 Because it so fits me. Thanks Jeanie. God bless.
ha! you read it twice because I had major blog feed problems this week – the blog wouldn’t talk with Aweber who send them out by email. they finally resolved their communication problems then burped sending out three instead of one. I think we are now back on order but I am skipping by regular Thursday post so I don’t clog up people’s inboxes. glad though reading it twice gave you food for thought. love ya.
“I take my place in your shadow, knowing your love and grace falls lavishly on everyone, including me.” Such a stellar reminder of our true place in God’s eyes. He does give us more than we deserve and much more for which we don’t even know to ask. A wonderful reminder, Jean, that we should be grateful in all circumstances. Blessings!
I appreciate your honesty! Because, let’s be real, don’t we all feel like that at times? I know I’ve had lots of moments when I think God isn’t playing nice with me, after all that I’ve done for him. {I shudder even putting that into words though!} In my more rational moments, I’m VERY grateful for a God that gives away more grace than I can even imagine to all kinds of people. Me included!
Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I always learn from you!
Praying for you on your big trip, Lisa.
Oh how this resonates with me. Rest assured, Jean, you have found a fellow non-book deal blogger. In fact, it seems that everyone has a book, and I can’t get my thoughts together enough to put them into a book, or the book I’m working on isn’t coming together as easily as it did in my head or I wish I didn’t have to work full time so I could write, but the truth is I’d probably find excuses to play and not write. And I had to hid the curl of my lip today when I noticed with disgust three very slim women with flat bellies while I scarfed down a whole plateful of food at the church picnic.My envy sometimes consumes me and I join with you in that very loud and small “sigh.” I love your transparency and honesty, but I also love how are willing to live in His shadow. Think there’s room for me? (Visiting from Spiritual Sundays)
So glad you came over from Spiritual Sundays and left a comment and to find a fellow non book deal blogger. I know what you mean that it seems like everyone else is getting a contract or an agent and I still wallow away in obscurity. poor me, right? I just keep believing God will know what and when just wish he would hurry up. LOL. Glad we connected!!