I am delighted to open this blog space today to my good friend Kathy Collard Miller. Her book, Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries has just been released. She is sharing with us lessons about worry – a topic I know many of us struggle with. You will enjoy her book that helps us worry less and trust God more. Be sure to leave a comment for her too. Welcome, Kathy
Worry Can’t Change Others
by Kathy Collard Miller
There’s something deep inside of us that believes worry can change others. If someone we love has a different perspective than we do, we worry. If someone we love has a different belief about God, we worry. If someone we love has a character flaw, we worry. We just know their wrong thinking will mess up their lives. Some of these worries may truly seem “worthy” of worry. Your mother may not know Christ as her Savior, and she has cancer. Your son may be on the street taking drugs. Your friend may demonstrate a lack of integrity at work. Another friend drives while intoxicated. You may have tried to reason, cajole, quote Scripture, even manipulate each person into changing their ideas and their behavior, but nothing has worked—not even prayer. God hasn’t changed them either.
You fear something bad, really bad, is going to happen. Even if it’s not a matter of something really bad occurring, we can easily take responsibility for someone else’s happiness and then respond in an unhealthy way. I recognized that possibility as we walked through the grief process with my mother-in-law, Audrey.
My husband’s parents, Don and Audrey, were married for sixty-two years and in that time, Audrey was only alone overnight for fewer than twenty nights—total. Even when Don was away during two different wars, Audrey’s mother lived with her. Four or five months before Don passed away, Audrey remarked to me, “If something happens to Don, I don’t know if I can live alone.” Then about a month later she commented, “I’ve been thinking about living alone and I think I can do it.” I was so proud of her.
The first night of Don’s hospitalization, Audrey stayed in our home. The next day she surprised us with her spunk, saying she wanted to return to her own home. I volunteered to spend the night at her home, but she said, “No, I have to get used to it.” And she did, even after Don died a week later.
But that doesn’t mean I didn’t worried about her loneliness. During the first two weeks we made sure she had something to do with us every day. But realizing we couldn’t keep that up for long, I wondered how she would cope.
In my prayer time I prayed verses for Audrey dealing with the topic of loneliness. I began praying Psalm 146:9 for her: “The Lord protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow; But He thwarts the way of the wicked” (NASB). Unexpectedly, I thought, I shouldn’t try to fill the place the Lord wants in her life.
Wow—that hit me hard. In my worry about her loneliness, I had begun to feel responsible to make sure she wasn’t lonely. I wrote in my journal: “I can try to be there too much and she could depend upon me and/or Larry instead of looking to You, Lord. Help me, Father, to resist the compulsion to ‘be there’ for her too much.”
When I told Larry about what the Lord had revealed to me, I jokingly (but with some seriousness) quipped, “God doesn’t want me to be your mom’s grief savior.” If I had continued to worry about her, I could have easily become that. And I’d be good at it because I so easily take responsibility for the happiness of others.
When I talked to Audrey later that day, she enthusiastically said, “Guess what Chuck Swindoll talked about on his radio program today?”
“What, Mom Audrey?”
“Loneliness. It really ministered to me.”
I laughed. God had come through. I didn’t need to be in charge of making sure she wasn’t lonely. Of course, she’s going to be lonely—she’s alone for the first time in her life. We certainly are going to help her, but she should primarily look to God, not us. Otherwise, she’ll draw too close to us and not closer to God.
BOOK SUMMARY AND BIOGRAPHY:
It is possible to worry less through trusting God more.
Regardless of the storms of trials, temptations, worry, uncertainty, confusion, or regrets that you’re facing, you can trust God more. Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries offers a conversational style, personal testimonies, practical illustrations, and solid biblical teaching for breaking anxiety and the devastating effects of worry. Each chapter includes Discussion Questions for individuals or groups, along with a “Letter from God.” In addition, a profile of a woman in the Bible who struggled with or experienced victory over worry is featured in each chapter to inspire every reader to see God’s hand in her life.
Kathy Collard Miller is a speaker and author. Her passion is to inspire women to trust God more. She has spoken in 30 states and 7 foreign countries. Kathy has 49 published books including Women of the Bible: Smart Guide to the Bible (Thomas Nelson) and she blogs at www.KathyCollardMiller.blogspot.com. Kathy lives in Southern California with her husband of 43 years, Larry, and is the proud grandma of Raphael. Kathy and Larry often speak together at marriage events and retreats.
Click here to order: Partly Cloudy withScattered Worries
Hugmomma (love your “name”): Thank you so much for giving us such a specific example of an important truth! God bless you!
I can not tell you the number of times with a concerned in loving heart I told someone how worried I was about them. To me, this was an expression of love that I was holding them in my heart. This past summer, I went through a personally traumatic time. I had several friends come to me with the concerned brow of “I’ve been so worried about you”. What I heard was not the loving voice I had tried to convey when I had been so misguided in trying to soothe, but was “I can see you are failing and need me to intervene.”
My head knew their heart was in the right place, but at the same time, I don’t think I will ever used the “I’ve really been worried about you” phrase again.
I can not tell you the number of times with a concerned in loving heart I told someone how worried I was about them. To me, this was an expression of love that I was holding them in my heart. This past summer, I went through a personally traumatic time. I had several friends come to me with the concerned brow of “I’ve been so worried about you”. What I heard was not the loving voice I had tried to convey when I had been so misguided in trying to soothe, but was “I can see you are failing and need me to intervene.”
My head knew their heart was in the right place, but at the same time, I don’t think I will ever used the “I’ve really been worried about you” phrase again.
Hugmomma (love your “name”): Thank you so much for giving us such a specific example of an important truth! God bless you!
Kathy forgot to tell you I got two phone calls from local friends today after they read your post. Great conversations with them about worrying too. Your words of wisdom helped!
I love it that you are here today and more days. I am so glad we’ve kept in touch over the years. Would be great if our paths crossed again….Thanks Kathy
Jean, thanks again for sharing about my book. I really appreciate it. I always appreciate your posts and I’m honored to be able to share with your readers.
Jean, thanks again for sharing about my book. I really appreciate it. I always appreciate your posts and I’m honored to be able to share with your readers.
I love it that you are here today and more days. I am so glad we’ve kept in touch over the years. Would be great if our paths crossed again….Thanks Kathy
I’m so grateful also, Jean, that we’re friends. I’d love it if we see each other personally again!
Kathy forgot to tell you I got two phone calls from local friends today after they read your post. Great conversations with them about worrying too. Your words of wisdom helped!
SOOO exciting, Jean! PTL! I trust there will be more conversations with them!
Nancy, I love your insight about how we think worry will fill the lonely places. I hadn’t really thought of it like that. Thanks for that meaningful insight. God bless you!
Mia, that is awesome! I applaud the Lord in you! You are exactly right, we have to give our worries to Him again and again (2 Cor. 10:5). You must feel so free to be loosed from the bondage of worry. Congratulations!
Great insight! We must be careful about filling the lonely places (or the needy places of ANY kind) in the lives of others. We may be usurping God’s plan by doing so. Our assistance should be preceded by prayer, asking God for his guidance. Thank you, Jean, for sharing Kathy’s wisdom!
Great insight! We must be careful about filling the lonely places (or the needy places of ANY kind) in the lives of others. We may be usurping God’s plan by doing so. Our assistance should be preceded by prayer, asking God for his guidance. Thank you, Jean, for sharing Kathy’s wisdom!
Nancy, I love your insight about how we think worry will fill the lonely places. I hadn’t really thought of it like that. Thanks for that meaningful insight. God bless you!
Dear Kathy,
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and how God showed you that you could trust Him to take care of your mother in law, Audrey…Congrats on your book 🙂
Dear Kathy
There was a time in my life when my husband used to say that if I had nothing to worry about, I will worry about that. But I once read a book where this one lady had terrible, terrible problems, but she gave them to Jesus. Every time she worried again, she again gave it back to Him. This she did thousands of times until the worries didn’t come back. She still had the same problems, but she just didn’t worry about it anymore. Well, I have done just that and I can honestly say that I am not a worrier anymore!
Blessings XX
Mia
Dear Kathy
There was a time in my life when my husband used to say that if I had nothing to worry about, I will worry about that. But I once read a book where this one lady had terrible, terrible problems, but she gave them to Jesus. Every time she worried again, she again gave it back to Him. This she did thousands of times until the worries didn’t come back. She still had the same problems, but she just didn’t worry about it anymore. Well, I have done just that and I can honestly say that I am not a worrier anymore!
Blessings XX
Mia
Mia, that is awesome! I applaud the Lord in you! You are exactly right, we have to give our worries to Him again and again (2 Cor. 10:5). You must feel so free to be loosed from the bondage of worry. Congratulations!