I have been listening, no watching and learning also, how people interact and connect as they talk. Ever notice how some people engage more than others in deep conversations? They skip the small talk and dive pass the social chit-chat and really get to know others. That fascinates me.
As an IFNJ, I am not good at small talk, but I am a listener. I am an observer. So I know there are tricks I can learn from those of you who are more skilled than me at conversation. Those of you who naturally draw others out in discussion – you have some techniques that we all can adopt. What are they?
Here are some things I have observed:
- Be genuinely present – lean forward and listen intently. Be real.
- Ask for stories, not just answers.
- Ditch shallow questions for deeper ones – instead of how is your family? Ask “tell me about your family.” Not where do you live? Try tell me what do you like about where you live. Open ended questions led to more interesting conversations.
- Ask follow-up questions. This show interest.
- Find the treasure. When I worked for the local newspaper and interviewed people I loved the moment when I discovered the nugget, the treasure, the pearl that made my heart leap and I connected with the story, that person. I think that is what really makes a great conversation.
Wonder if these same concepts could apply to my prayers?
- Be fully present to God when praying.
- Listen to God’s stories, not just seek God’s answers.
- Ask questions and continue to ask questions as follow up. Be open.
- Find the treasure, the nugget of truth to ground each moment as I pray.
Mmm, I think that works too. Deeper connections. More meaningful conversations. Works for people. Works in prayer. Just takes time. A little less ego. A sprinkle of love and paying attention and genuine caring of the other/Other. But worth it!
What would you add to this list?
Jean, I’m with you, friend. I do hate small talk especially with people I don’t know. But asking a good question or two and listening well opens up some wonderful doors for richer dialogue. Thank you for nudging us in that direction.
I know it is especially hard with stranger isn’t it?
WONDERFUL suggestions, Jean! I still remember fondly the privilege of sitting at a table with you at that writers’ conference we both attended. You demonstrated active listening, provided encouragement and the treasure of creative ideas I could implement. You also lived up to your name: WISE! As for your conversation-suggestions being applicable to prayer, I’d say yes! I do pray to become a more active listener to God, ready with journal and pen to hear his voice speak into my heart.
ahhh, you are so sweet, Nancy. I remember that moment too – two good friends meeting and getting to know each other in person. a great moment!!