“Anticipatory anxiety. I think you are drowning in anticipatory anxiety.”  A good friend said this to me several months ago and I can’t seem to get that phrase out of my head – anticipatory anxiety. The more I ponder, read, and pray about this, the more I think she is right. Anticipatory anxiety is the fear, dread, worry you experience before something happens. The “What if” type of thinking. The expecting the worse. The overwhelming emotions of failure before the event even started. Trepidation trembling in my toes through my tummy and trapped in my throat.   The day my friend shared her observation with me I was anxious for a zoom meeting with an editor about my book manuscript. I was sure to end up a failure when the opposite occurred. The meeting finished with a clear plan of action and the feeling that I could get this done.  I had been wrong, very wrong, about what was to happen.    I have experienced anticipatory anxiety before going to out … [Read more...]

I have been catching up on my reading piles these past weeks. Library books. Books sent to me to review. A few sitting so long on my stand their dust covers are actually covered in dust. The seven I worked on this week were disappointing, so I am not even going to name them here. It is hard work to write a book; authors pour their soul into the words. Who am I to criticize them?  I do love books, so it was odd to dive into so many in such a short time that left me bored and wondering where else to spend my time more productively. I never connected with them as a reader. Always an optimist, I gathered them together and asked myself what did these books collectively teach me? They all reminded me the value and importance of living a life on a solid foundation, nourished by faith. Many of the books listed rules the authors adopted for their lives. One author wrote two long books, each dedicated to only 12 rules.  Another writer dug into her family history, her roots, … [Read more...]

Ever notice that the word “routine” shares the root word matching the word “route?”  When I hear “routine”, I assume images of dull, everyday schedule of events - predictable and repetitive. I often think of routines occurring while I am at home or on ordinary days, yet tucked away in this mundane word is a journey, a path, a “route” away from the average and into adventures. We just returned from a family trip to Disney World, journeying into a place far from my usual schedule.  As I reenter into the pace and place of home and the return of chores, calendars, and commonplace, I savored the return to routine. I compared and contrasted routine and adventures in this post blog written several years ago.  Both offer refreshment for the soul in their own unique ways and God is in all moments. God modeled for us in Genesis, a rhythm of productivity and rest.  He dreamed, created, shaped the universe, stepped back savoring in its magnificent beauty and declared it all … [Read more...]

Old spiritual journals – do you keep them or destroy them? This question is the number one question I get asked when teaching or writing about keeping a journal. And I fear the number one reason why some people never begin this life-giving spiritual practice – What if someone reads what I write???? Let’s talk about the riches of keeping our journals and some reasons why you might not want to. What is a Spiritual Journal? A spiritual journal is a notebook or some type of recording of your faith journey. The focus is on your relationship with God, how you see life through your spirituality and where you prayerfully think God may be inviting you next in life.  A spiritual journal is not a diary – where all the nuances of daily life are documented. Significant life events or what is impacting you in ordinary living can be the framework, but the essence of what you write is through the lens of your faith.  How is that event transforming you? What does God want you … [Read more...]

Unanswered questions shaped my recent retreat and continue to linger in my journals and contemplative talks with God. I am a fixer and quick decider. I like the comfort of knowing answers or at least the next couple of steps on this adventure and gift of life God has given all of us. Tell me where I am going and what to expect and I will dig down and get there. But that isn’t God’s way, is it? Unanswered questions are the fertile ground of growth, formation, and surprises. I wonder why does this question nag my soul? What does it mean? What does it make possible? The best lessons emerge in the wrestling, welcoming, and wondering with each question.   I am going to be vulnerable and share with you this week some of these questions I am holding and listening to in this journey.  I hope maybe they will resonate with you too and nurture your walk with God. Unanswered Questions What makes me sing and jump for joy? Why would I throw away an opportunity to serve … [Read more...]

What spiritual practices support a retreat experience? I recently return from an 8-day silent retreat. What is a silent retreat?  Here are some previous blog posts about this intentional time with God.   Last week I reflected how my word of the year guided my week at a retreat center.  I also observed how various spiritual practices slowed me down and helped me pay attention to God’s presence. Spiritual practices don’t impress God, just so he answers your prayers. Spiritual practices are tools that align our hearts with God’s. Most of these practices I have experienced before, but once again realized their value in the spiritual journey. These are essential and life-giving for me.  Maybe my sharing will remind you once again of the places and ways you too can connect with God. Silence and Solitude – My soul revived soaking in silence and solitude. This shouldn’t surprise me but each time these practices astonish me with their renewing impact. I read that Dallas … [Read more...]

Every year I am amazed how a simple word or phrase that silently creeps into my heart in midwinter and slowly emerges as my Word of the Year weaves itself into my soul. In 2021 the word that chose me is simply, GO.  Two letters we all learned to read early in life, but one word oozing with power, wisdom, and gentle companionship. I just returned from an 8-day silent directed retreat.  Yes, I did stay quiet (most of the time.)  The practice of attending a retreat at least yearly is life-giving for me and essential for my spiritual walk with God. My spirit rests and recalls its Creator and its central call and life purpose.   Two weeks ago, I shared my expectations about this year’s retreat and now want to share some of my lessons and retreat reflections in this weeks and next week’s posts. Word of the year – Retreat Reflections What did my word of the year - Go - show me on retreat this year? Keep Going - God is inviting me to be more than to do. I am … [Read more...]

What are you reading this summer?  Since I am at my retreat as you read this post this week, I am writing this early and sharing some of the books I am enjoying this summer.  I think it is always fun to get a glimpse at what others are reading. Here is my current list: Soundtracks – The Surprising Solution to Overthinking by Jon Acuff.  Jon has a terrific podcast that accompanies this book called All It Takes is a Goal.  At first, I borrowed this book from our library -don’t you love our local libraries? – but liked it so much I purchases a copy so I could study and highlight his wisdom. I am a chronic negative self-talker. My internal voices and what Jon calls “soundtracks” shout behind the scenes of my behavior and thoughts much more than most people think as I try my best to be an encourager and an optimist. This book offers great advice on how to turn down the volume and how to create and use positive thoughts/soundtracks more often in practical and very readable … [Read more...]