I just completed a four-month training to be a grief companion and must say this has been one of the most moving, lifechanging, spiritual courses I have ever taken. Yes, my mind learned new tools, but more importantly my heart and spirit expanded with healing, compassion, and understanding for both others and my own grief journey.
Everyone experiences loss. Oh, there are so many kinds of losses in life. In our society we don’t talk openly about our losses and when we do, we stammer and often say the wrong thing or avoid saying anything. After taking this course, I know now I will be a better friend to others facing the difficult time following loss or at least I hope I will be. This is a skill we all need to work on and learn more about. Please let’s all work all on this to get better!
- I learned just how normal grief is and should be.
- There is no timeline for grief and no rewards for speed.
- Everyone grieves in different ways. It’s all ok and it’s ok not to be ok.
- We can choose hope.
- We grieve because we love. Grief is part of love.
Ann Lamott writes, “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
Quite the image, isn’t that? Dancing with a limp. This gives us hope at the same time acknowledges the pain too. That is the truth about loss.
Both my parents died when I was younger – my dad when I was 16 and my mom when I was 26. I entered into this course believing some false narratives about my own grief journey that learning more about grief I discovered were all normal and not abnormal at all. What I experienced was all natural to the grief process. I wasn’t crazy after all.
I also discovered that much of my spiritual growth, formation, and direction throughout adulthood contributed to this healing. Grief work is soul work. Isn’t God amazing to lead us, to heal us even in ways beyond our asking? In ways we don’t even see often to much later. What a surprising God we have!
May we all keep dancing each day, even with a limp.
May we all keep helping each other hear the music of life to swirl and twirl even with hurting hearts.
And if a friend just can’t quite dance yet because the pain is too deep, may we sit beside them and hold their hand and cry with them until we can limp together when they are ready.
This sounds like a wonderful course. I’m sure you already were a gracious friend to the grieving, but glad you were touched by new things you heard. Our world needs more people who are skilled in dealing with grief because we all dance with those limps.
I think we all can learn to be better and more compassionate at helping each other at times of loss. Often it is in saying nothing.
Oh Jean, you will be an outstanding grief companion to those who are fortunate enough to find you. To have someone who is tender, who listens well, who gently offers support and hope is such a huge blessing. I know God is going to use you greatly as you walk alongside others during seasons of lament. Bless you, friend.
ahh thank you Linda. We all can help each other through these steps though. I feel so strongly that each of us have to learn to do a better job of walking with each other like this. we can do these hard things!
Those last statements in bold font hold such lovely bittersweetness. You’ve acknowledged the pain of loss, and yet steered our thoughts and emotions toward hope, perseverance, and the beauty that still exists even while we grieve. Thank you, Jean, for sharing what you’ve learned. Wonderfully enlightening.
I learned so much and one important thing is sometimes the griever can’t even dance yet. Then you just sit and wait with them until they are ready to try. A journey we all take so I hope we can all help each other.