Deep Listening

I sat around their kitchen table as they shared tear-filled stories about their wife/mother. We were gathered to plan her funeral service. The room filled with family, warmed by the afternoon sun and lots of love and wrapped with both sorrow, memories and laughter. A bittersweet meeting. 

I asked a few questions but most of the time I listened. I observed how they looked around, savoring the present moment they now held with each other, realizing how precious life and time is.

They thanked me for listening, yet I felt they gave me a gift. They reminded me how important listening to one another can be for healing, comfort, and insight. Listening builds bridges and repairs relationships.

Deep listening is also essential for listening to our own soul, for listening to ourselves too.

What happens when we listen to ourselves?  As a spiritual director I often encourage directees to listen deeply to their own voices, their desires, their hungers. To name them. Many times, our core yearnings are of God and if we just slow down, we can hear God’s voice within our own hearts.

I did notice something about my own self-listening lately that I didn’t like though. I paid attention to how I was speaking. I heard the words coming out of my mouth – more negative. More whiny. Less joy filled. I needed an attitude adjustment.

I even admitted to a good friend as I complained about something – “Wow, that it didn’t sound like me.”  She agreed. Maybe aliens took over my body.  LOL.

I have mentioned here on this blog the important practice of paying attention and noticing what I was saying out loud lately sure had been shocking. I listened deeply to myself.

Now I am not sharing this to get sympathy. I am mentioning this because perhaps you too may learn something by paying attention to what and how you are speaking about yourself too. Our inner dialog is powerful and mine has been bubbling outward revealing some inner work that is needing to be done. Yes, it is good to pay attention to inner wounds calling for care and deep emotions due for some healthy processing.

I plan to continue to really listen to what I am saying aloud and challenge myself when I know it isn’t true. I may need to reframe how I say what I just said. Or change my attitude toward an upcoming event. For example, instead of thinking I have to go to something I remember how nice it is to be invited to go to such an event. A simple change in how I say something.

I will also try not to overthink some situations.  I find some days I get stuck lingering in what if’s instead of just moving on and letting go.

I am going to remember what Henri Nouwen wrote: “Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us God’s beloved. Being the beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”

Being aware, listening deeply, to what I am saying to myself reveals when self-rejection raises its voice within my soul and tries to speak loud. The practice of listening helps me tune down that volume much sooner and turns my hearts back to God where I belong.

Listening is a gift from God and a practice I find precious and valuable and one I want to keep front and center in my spiritual toolbox, not just for my spiritual health but for others too.

How about you? How does deep listening help you in your spiritual journey?