“Don’t regret growing older; it’s a privilege denied to many” is my mantra this week.
I am trying focus on this blessing but it is hard. You see Wednesday is my birthday – a significant year. A “get the red, white blue card in the mail from the government type of birthday.” A year beyond “will you still love me, will you still need when I’m ____?” song being played kind of celebration. See I can’t even write out the numbers.
I don’t feel that old.
There is a place inside of me that totally denies my age.
I think some cruel trick has been performed – a wizardly magic that catapulted me into the future and into a distant age.
I fully believe that my mother made a mistake on my birth certificate, writing down a 5 instead of a 6 or 7 or even 8. My kids tell me that would make me younger than them. What’s wrong with that?
My internal clock accurately says I’m in my 30’s, okay perhaps 40’s. I used to say the decade of my 50’s was one of the best ones as I felt at that age I finally become my true self.
What is wrong with me? Is it the reality of growing older and facing mortality? Is it fear of what old age may bring? I should be thanking God for this privilege, this gift of life no matter what age, but just haven’t been able to spit that prayer out yet.
This year of turning one year older bothers me deeply. I am older than my parents ever experienced. I don’t get carded any more – I automatically get the senior discounts without asking. When a young’un says “yes, Ma’am” I cringed.
No wonder one of my favorite shows is Peter Pan. “I won’t grow up!”
So I am focusing on that mantra. Putting up a good face and doing my best to believe its message and be thankful for life. I will embrace the time I have left here on earth with grace, love and a sprinkle of fun.
Wisdom comes with aging. Knowing yourself better does too. I am closer to God now than ever before and feel his presence in new ways. I value lifelong friends and friendships deeper. I miss some that have already moved on. I like having the perspective and perception found only in experience – both the good and bad.
My plans? My next step into this phase in life that I really am unprepared for?
I will live my life and forget my age.
I will smile, giggle and always try to choose love.
I will hold lightly and with much gratitude the gifts God has so lavishly blessed me with: health, family, friends.
And I will allow that younger kid in my heart to live too by enjoying the moments of laughter and whimsy.
I will celebrate each day, each breath and each year
And to top this year off I am going to Disney World the end of April. How’s that for some fun?
Thanks for reading, listening and understanding today. I am open to any insights from you about coping with difficult birthdays. I appreciate your wisdom.
Being Woven says
Jean, this is delightful and hard as I am in the late 60s category. I know the bones and joints do not work as they did when I was in my 20s and could ski and hike. But I feel blessed for what God gives me each day to live it as fully as possible and for Him.
Enjoy your Disney World trip next month. I was a young girl living in So. Cal. when DisneyLand was being built. On Sundays, we would drive the 50 miles or so to look through these big openings in the surrounding fence to see what new addition had happened since last we were there. When they opened DL in 1955, we were there!
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Jean Wise says
How neat to have seen Disney so early. I love WDW and can’t wait to be there. I hope it does bring out my imagination, smiles and joys in life. Thanks for leaving a comment!!
I so love your honesty, Jean and appreciate your wisdom. And your plans shared at the end of this post . . . just delightful! May I remember to carry those same ones. Happy, happy birthday. Enjoy Disney World!!! Blessings to you.
Jean Wise says
Thanks Beth, I am really looking forward to the trip.
Lisa notes... says
I never minded any birthday until I turned 50. That one bothered me. So now I understand how people feel about age. 🙁 I know all the platitudes but they don’t help me much. I love your thoughts instead:
“I will live my life and forget my age. I will smile, giggle and always try to choose love….”
Age is just another number that doesn’t define us! Hope you have a happy, happy birthday when it arrives, Jean!
Jean Wise says
I have been telling myself Lisa, that age is just an number but agree with you that the platitude only help a little. One thing that made a different yesterday for my was all the warm greeting on this blog and over at Facebook and many who said they also didn’t feel as old as their drivers license said. At least I have company right? Blessings you the rest of your week, Lisa.
Martha Orlando says
First of all, Happy Birthday, Jean! Yes, this past birthday for me was difficult – 60 just didn’t feel right because, like you, I don’t see myself as old, I nurture the child within, and I’m enjoying every moment of every day the best I possibly can. Blessings and thanks for today’s inspiration!
Jean Wise says
Thanks you sweet Martha. I had a great day yesterday. I remember 60 as being a difficult one too but see I made it; so will you. LOL. I think we both deeply know nurturing that child within is part of the secret. That is why I am heading to Disney. a place and time to celebrate life…Thanks for leaving such kind and wise words