Lately I have felt scattered.
Divided between too many deadlines, rushing through life, and wondering if I am getting any place at all. My roots feel shallow and in need of deep watering.
So I pushed the pause button this morning. I stopped to be – rather than to do.
I took a deep breath and paused. I read my Bible. I lingered in prayer. I harvested my journal. All spiritual habits that ground me and help me worship God, not my accomplishments.
Basking in God’s presence renews me and redirects me.
Many of us draw strength from prayer and scriptures, but writing my thoughts and feelings in my journal is also a foundational spiritual practice. I record not only my words, but what I believe God says.
I harvest my journal by rereading, highlighting and summarizing my previous entries. I see patterns emerge and notice where I missed God’s whispers.
And He surprised me this morning. Where I felt I like a failure (once again) by being scattered, God said, “It is ok to be scattered. Look at the garden with its array of emerging plants and rainbow spring colors. All scattered beauty. All part of life.”
I have new appreciation of living scattered. Life may feel scattered to me but God is in control and is sowing a beautiful garden. What seems scattered to my small perspective is a work of art to God.
My writing buddy, Johnnie Donley, sent me this poem from Helen in Egypt by H.D. (Hilda Doolittle). It’s a collection of poems that tell the story of Helen and Achilles after the fall of Troy. Here is the portion of the poem that rings true of my pause today:
there is no before or after,
there is one finite moment
that no infinite joy can disperse
or thought of past happiness
tempt from or dissipate;
now I know the best and the worst;
the seasons revolve around
a pause in the infinite rhythm
of the heart and of heaven.
A pause in the infinite rhythm of the heart and of heaven.
A heavenly pause for a scattered soul.
How do you take pauses?