Do you remember yourself as a teen?
I had a profound dream a few weeks ago that continues to haunt me. I relived a moment at my older brother’s wedding. During the loud, dancing, partyin’ reception, I sat at a round table in the corner by myself, dressed in a too tight, not suited for my body bridesmaid dress, feeling sorry for the lonely, fat, out of place person I was. My arms tightly crossed in front of my blossoming chest, sinking my changing body lower into the chair, becoming invisible. Wondering who I was except for an ugly, awkward kid.
I watched others interact, talk, smile and knew it was time to grow up. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make this work but knew deep down this moment was a turning point. After all I was 14 – older, more mature than 13. LOL.
This wasn’t a made-up kind of dream – this moment really happened to me in 1964. My dream dug this moment out of a hidden place where I tug away secrets – a memory ready to be seen from a new wiser perspective.
This dream/memory has invaded and preoccupied my prayers, my journaling, and quiet moments. I ponder that teen and felt compassion for her moment of growing up without knowing what would happen. Last week I realized I had to talk to that 14-year-old. What could I say? What did I say to her?
I told her you have an amazing life ahead of you.
- Yes, there will be sad, heart-breaking losses. Both of my parents would be dead within 12 years of this event.
- Yes times to face hard decisions.
- Yes times of fear and unknown.
- Yes times you would make mistakes.
But what great opportunities also loomed in the future.
- Joys.
- Possibilities.
- Growth.
- Friendships.
- Travels.
- Love.
You think you know God now – just wait He will surprise you more that you can imagine.
You think we know what you want to be when you grow up – but that adventure will take many twists and turns, allowing you to see the world, others and even yourself in new ways and to serve in ways, places, and positions beyond your dreams.
And guess what? Deep down you are the same person – a child loved by God. A God who never leaves you no matter what happens in life. You are loved more than your heart can hold. So smile, engage a bit with others, take a chance with friendships. Explore. Take a few risks. Speak up. Trust. Believe. Come and see! All will be well.
After I said this to my younger self, I watched her relax, feeling a bit more comfortable with her body and her soul. Not 100% sure yet what is next, but willing to hold her hands open and receive what life brings. Good advice for today too.
We looked at other and smile.
Have you ever relived a memory and gained perspective and even healing
from examining it once again?
My oldest granddaughter will soon turn 16. Last year about this time she began to struggle with just the emotions you talk about here, Jean: dissatisfaction with herself, preferring to be alone than with others, worried about the future, etc. I prayerfully wrote her a letter and tried to share a bit of the wisdom that comes with age. To be honest, she never acknowledged whether the letter helped or not! At the least, she knew I cared very much about her distress. This year she seems to be in a much better place. I’m thankful to God for that!
After I wrote this I thought about my 14 almost 15 year old granddaughter too. You inspire me to write her a note and share this. Thanks for the push!
You’re welcome, Jean. May our girls know that as much as we love them and care about their lives, our Heavenly Father loves and cares even more!
Ah yes, it is never too late to chat with our younger selves. Thank you for this reminder. And by this age there are MANY younger selves. What I most hope to see is some aspect of my essence in each of those younger selves.
You are so right, Nancy about our many different selves. Oh I would love to have a great conversation with my 22 year old self and one as a new mother too. You have given more to ponder and pray about. Thank you. blessings!
When I was a teen, very confused, very undone, I just wished to be wise. The word, wise, itself sounded finished, complete, in touch with all the mysteries that crowded my dreams.
I wanted answers ! ! ! ! ! but didn’t know where to find them. Now I’m 84 and have so many answers I don’t know how to use them all…but now I am wiser, and now I am wise.
Dear Jean, you have been blessed with that word as a name and you always seem to apply that word so wisely. Thank you for all you share so willingly. You are loved 😍
Oh Sue your words are such a blessing to me. Thank you! I agree growing older and wiser really is a great benefit – holy hindsight!
thank you jean…great insight..many memories…God was incharge of all of the instances and looking back He created good and growth out of them all…
peace
Thank you Pat. Yes yes God is in charge and knew exactly where he was doing with me!
I had to smile to myself in reading this, Jean. Yes, I’ve had those moments when I’ve faced the old (young) me with how I have changed with the years. It also reminded me that Virginia will turn 14 this year. I wonder what she will see one day when she looks back to that time?
Blessings!
wow Virginia will be 14 and my oldest granddaughter, Kyla turns 15 – I need to listen to her in a tender, compassionate way – I think I do but after this experiencer and memory I am more intentional. Blessings!