“Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.”
Jose Ortego Y Gassett
I read this quote the other day and the words dug their spurs into my heart. You see, I have been frustrated, tearful and quite moody this past week. All on account of one tiny stumbling block in life: my computer.
My computer died this week. I lost writing I was working on. I missed deadlines to get ready for an upcoming conference. Replacing this vital equipment for a writer is expensive and unplanned. On top of all this, I just plain was trying to accomplish too much in too little time before we left for vacation the end of this week. Too many to-do’s to fit through the narrowing funnel of time.
Frustration raises its ugly head when our will and our ego meet barriers that blocks its desire to have its own way.
I tell myself there are bigger problems in the world. I have my health. My family. A warm house. I know my next paycheck is coming. I live in a country where I can freely choose to worship God. I know in my head, I “should” be grateful, but in reality I melted like the Wicked Witch of the West.
I pouted.
I cried.
The two year old inside me seized the moment to launch a world champion temper tantrum.
Someone send me to my room for a nap. Please!
To be honest, I surprised myself in my reaction. The pain of frustration overwhelmed me.
My out of proportion reaction to this little bump in the road reminded me of a Martin Luther quote, also quote convicting:
“That to which your heart clings is your god.”
Ouch! My computer is NOT my God. Why am I gripping so tightly to this simple annoyance?
So I took the time to write in my journal this morning. I asked the Lord to forgive me. I turned the page and started once again. I rested in his calming arms, knowing like a comforting mother and a protecting father, God is with me.
One way I vented my irritation this week was to listen to my self-talk. This did lead to an insightful lesson.
Last Saturday, I knew I had to do something with all this pent up negative energy. I decided to exercise. While I walked, I talked – mostly to myself, but God was listening in.
I rattled on for a bit, then heard myself say through my tears, “But Lord I am trying. Trying so hard. Trying so hard to be good.”
Then I heard God say to me in his quiet and soothing manner,
“But Jeanie, you are already good.”
What a moment of reassurance that was. As I write this, I realize it was at that point, my frustration level began to decrease.
Good lesson to remember:
I am a child of God.
God is who I cling to.
And He has made me good.
How do you handle frustration?
P.S. I will have less posts here the next couple of weeks while we travel to warm Florida from snowy, cold Ohio. Back in two weeks with the regular schedule and one big surprise for March! So don’t leave me. I have a big announcement next month.
Its all so illuminating when God shines a light in an area we weren’t expecting, isn’t it? I often find myself challenged in my attachments, and traditional thinking. It never ceases to amaze me the things I choose to place an attachment on, or rigid thinking about and when I finally let go, realize that HIs shining a light was not as much to correct, but so that I could be more free. His love is just that big.
I love God’s surprises! and they are refreshing and reassuring and a wonderful delight. I did learn how deeply I am attached to technology. I was amazed how deeply
Hi Jean! So this is the whole story. Yuck. Losing your work is so frustrating I’m sure. I know the ideas are in your head, but having the words on paper is such a comfort. (You are speaking at a conference? Wow! Super cool!)
I like the way you dealt with your anger. Journalling is so powerful, but I often push it off to the side. I’m too busy to reflect and get straight. Then I pay for it later in lack of focus. Walking helps too. And oh my gosh, if I had a nickel for every time I caught myself talking out loud, I’d have enough money for a week in therapy!
Yes Jean, you are good. When I read that line I kind of teared up. That is pure truth, so you know it came from God.
Best of blessings on your problems and on your conference. Hmmm…what the heck is going on in March???
Ceil
Not presenting at this conference, It is the Florida Christian Writers Conference. Been there a few times before and always learn and enjoy. this past week has been an emotional roller coaster but wheeeee – what an adventure right? Laugh or cry and I am done with the tears so now just smiling.
got you curious about March, eh? to be honest it was something I wanted to do in Feb but never got around to it – honest – so decided to put it on the blog that something was coming so now I have to finish getting it ready for March. crazy aren’t I?
Been there, done that.
You are heading down to my neck of the woods! Enjoy!
hoping for some sun and some warmth too!
You may want to consider using an online backup program such as Carbonite – it’s approximately $70 a year and runs constantly in the background. With computers, the question is not if my hard drive will go but WHEN it will go. Have fun in Florida!
Thanks Irene. Actually I have an external hard drive which backed up much of my stuff. What I lost was the most recent writing I was working on preparing for the conference. POOF all gone. I also lost my recent contact and calendar but ended up finding those and restoring those. All good news but slow process.
You made me feel better when you said it is not if but when a hard drive goes. Sure does show the value of backing up our stuff doesn’t’ it?
Thanks for stopping by today.
Carbonite works in the background and automatically backs up your files to the cloud – you can retrieve the last 3 versions. Your external drive will eventually go as well. Also, I synch my Outlook contacts / email with 123together.com so that way I will not lose my email, contacts, etc. Cost is around $15 per month (caveat emptor – I run my own business, so I am my own IT dept.)
wow that sounds great. I love your suggestions and really appreciate them. LOL, you ARE your own IT dept.