I sat around their kitchen table as they shared tear-filled stories about their wife/mother. We were gathered to plan her funeral service. The room filled with family, warmed by the afternoon sun and lots of love and wrapped with both sorrow, memories and laughter. A bittersweet meeting.  I asked a few questions but most of the time I listened. I observed how they looked around, savoring the present moment they now held with each other, realizing how precious life and time is. They thanked me for listening, yet I felt they gave me a gift. They reminded me how important listening to one another can be for healing, comfort, and insight. Listening builds bridges and repairs relationships. Deep listening is also essential for listening to our own soul, for listening to ourselves too. What happens when we listen to ourselves?  As a spiritual director I often encourage directees to listen deeply to their own voices, their desires, their hungers. To name them. Many … [Read more...]

Can spaciousness be a spiritual practice? Can you cultivate spaciousness? What is spaciousness, anyway? This word entered my heart after a lovely week of relaxation and delightful weather in Florida. My body and my soul felt different. Healed. Whole. Where before the trip I was tense, depressed, and battered by many internal and external storms, a sense of tranquility surrounded me once home. The space within me, my internal spaciousness transformed. I have been on vacations before, but this one was different. I came home with more peace and this sense of fresh spaciousness. What was different? I want to learn from this time so I can carry more spaciousness into my life as I move forward. What elements did I observe? I am one who is always striving and one who likes to stay in control. I am learning as I enter this wonderful later stage of life to lesson my grip on my circumstances and to hold things lightly and be more open and adaptive. What a unique space to live and … [Read more...]

I have been listening, no watching and learning also, how people interact and connect as they talk. Ever notice how some people engage more than others in deep conversations? They skip the small talk and dive pass the social chit-chat and really get to know others. That fascinates me. As an IFNJ, I am not good at small talk, but I am a listener. I am an observer. So I know there are tricks I can learn from those of you who are more skilled than me at conversation. Those of you who naturally draw others out in discussion - you have some techniques that we all can adopt. What are they? Here are some things I have observed: Wonder if these same concepts could apply to my prayers? Mmm, I think that works too. Deeper connections. More meaningful conversations. Works for people. Works in prayer.  Just takes time. A little less ego. A sprinkle of love and paying attention and genuine caring of the other/Other. But worth it! What would you add to this list? … [Read more...]

Courage is my word of the year and what a challenging, stretching, and intense word to play with this year.  I say “intense” because this is the first word that seems to pop up everywhere for me. A word that likes to surprise me; almost sneaks up on me with a “ah-ha, here is something to think about now concept about courage.” I never have had a word of the year before with so much “life” of its own before. I have been gathering quotes about what others have said about courage so thought this month I would share some of these words of wisdom with you about courage. I will continue to collect these throughout the year and know they will add to my depth of knowledge about courage. Many people rate courage very highly and I have much to learn yet:  “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently,” Maya Angelou "Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at its testing … [Read more...]

What spiritual practices are giving life to your soul right now?  Spiritual practices are not disciplines to be checked off, to complete in order to be “good” or to earn love. I find these sacred rhythms ground me, remind me of the magnificent of God and all the wonders and holiness of God. I remember to pause and give thanks. I ask forgiveness. I bow in reverence. I serve. I love. I draw near and am renewed. I am one with the One. My focus in less on me and more on the More. I am not rigid with a spiritual practices schedule but use the word “regular.”  But I do find it helpful at times to pause and take an inventory what is working and maybe what isn’t working in my spiritual life. What am I forgetting? Neglecting? Pushing aside? Or need more of? Is it time to try a new practice? Stretch myself into a new arena? When I paused and honestly reviewed my practices this past week, I found myself “too busy” for longer contemplative prayer – a practice that nourishes my … [Read more...]

What is the kindest thing I could do for myself at this moment? This was the question shared by another spiritual director with me a few weeks ago.  I thought this was a wonderful question full of self-compassion, one that made me pause and consider what did I need most at that moment. I was in a funk. Nothing horrible happened. No major disasters. Just a pile up of inconvenient disappointments and frustrations during a long dark winter of self-pity. The news and politics left me hopeless and cranky. Then I felt guilty feeling this way watching others with so many worse problems and deaths and illnesses and me just sitting here whining like a toddler. Poor me…. To be honest, I was even having difficulty praying. Anxiety ruled my quiet time more than peace. So the question was asked, “What is the kindest thing I could do for myself at this moment?” Great question. Tender. Compassionate. A small dose of self-care. After dinner that night I reconsidered the question … [Read more...]