December 1983I remember when you were two days old. The depths of post partum depression shredded up any morsel of confidence I had as a mother - even as a mom with her third baby.I spent that day crying, overwhelmed by fears. I spent the day rocking you.I spent the day with my arms gently holding you, while I rocked in God’s arms, gently holding me.I spent that day crying.I should know what I am doing by now.What’s wrong with me?I can’t raise this child.I am not cut out for this role.Lord, what have I gotten myself into? Lord, what have YOU gotten me into? I remember Hannah and her tears as a mother. She cried out for a child and the Lord gave her Samuel. Later she brought him to the temple and dedicated him to God. “As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” I Samuel .1 … [Read more...]
My Prayer for Wonder and Curiosity – To Have the Eyes of a Child
Aren't babies fun to watch?My granddaughter, Kyla, is eight months old. Every week I ask her mother, Katie, what exciting new trick did Kyla learn this week? Today Katie called to tell me Kyla pulled herself up to stand. (Wasn’t she just a newborn yesterday? I will turn around and tomorrow she will be driving a car or getting married!) Watching babies teach us in unexpected ways.Everyday is a new adventure for Kyla – new places to crawl and explore, learning how to pick up Cheerios and discovering their awesome texture and taste, squealing in different pitches and volumes – life is full of wonder and curiosity.Lord, when did I lose the wonder and curiosity of a child?How did this “I can do it all” attitude take over my brain?When did sarcasm, doubt, fear and anger invade my every cell squeezing out trust, faith and the ability to marvel at the ordinary?Lord I ask you for the eyes of a child:To giggle at silly noises and pay attention to the whispers beneath the clamor To peer deeply … [Read more...]
Making Friendship a Lifelong Priority
A friend died last week. After hearing the news, memories flooded me – John installing a ceiling fan with my husband with a “blind leading the blind” type of sit com hilarity and for many years that fan rattled every time they turned it on, early morning coffees together on Saturday morning, solving the world’s problems and John showing us his new car while proudly announcing it was time to find a wife. I smile remembering John.Valuing our friends shouldn’t only come when we lose someone. The past few years I have been trying to reconnect with friends from the past. When I wrote my new years resolutions this year, that wasn’t one of them – I have added it so once again friendship will be a priority for me. Making time for friends will be a permanent addition to my list.Two of my best friends met in kindergarten. I was the latecomer joining them in sixth grade. Wendy and Chrissy are lifelong childhood companions, now more like special sisters to me.My friend Nancy is my role model … [Read more...]
EXUBERANT SPIRITUALITY
What does it mean to be exuberant? Ever hear a word you haven’t heard for awhile, then all of a sudden you hear it and see it everywhere? EXUBERANT!Exuberant means to be fruitful, joyful, uninhibitedly enthusiastic, lavishly abundant and abounding in vitality. Wouldn’t that be a glorious way to live?Kyla, pictured here, displays exuberance when she squeals with all her miniature might like a Jurassic Park baby dinosaur. Zeal erupts from her very center and her chubby arms and legs gush with unabashed enthusiasm in every lively direction. Her face radiates with an eagerness adults too soon lose.LESSON: Exuberance involves my whole beingMy online writers group – all five of us – are participating in the National Novel Writing Month or NANO for short. The web site: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ describes the process as exuberant imperfection.People free write 50,000 word novels during thirty days, though a few of us rebels write non-fiction. The idea is to just dig deep into our souls and … [Read more...]
The Blessings of Two New Girls
The Blessings of Two New Girls The blessing of two new girls graced our family lately. Our family grew by two girls this past week. Kyla Eve arrived June 5 and I wrote about her in the previous blog posting. But now it is time to welcome Mandy into our family. My son Brian proposed to Mandy in the infield at batting practice of the Chicago White Sox on June 6th. Mandy bravely (and as his mother I do say bravely) accepted. I am thankful to God for Mandy, but she does not know I have prayed for her for many, many years - even before I knew her name. I remember when Brian was a toddler, maybe two or three, nestled in my arms for a nap. That probably was the first prayer. I envisioned another mother someplace with a tiny girl sleeping in her arms – Brian’s future wife – and I lifted her up in prayer. Mothers, recall the excitement and tears of that first day of school? Another moment of prayer for the little girl someplace experiencing her first day of school. T-ball … [Read more...]
God’s Whoosh
God's Whoosh WHOOSH! Did you hear it? That loud whooshing noise last Friday, June 5th? At the exact moment of my new granddaughter’s birth, with her first intake of air, Kyla Eve stole my heart. Love for this new child swiftly gushed into my core and changed me forever. Other grandparents warned me. “You will love being a grandparent.” “There is nothing like it in the whole world.” “You will be amazed. “ I pooh-pawed them, thinking I knew better. After all I am in control. I know what to expect. What a fool I am! Whoosh! Love exploded triggering a chain reaction. Every instinct inside me wants to protect her, love her, and see her daily. Whoosh! God longs to protect us, love us and be with us with His exploding love. Whoosh! My arms ache to hold her, to touch her. Whoosh! God’s arms surround us, even as we tug to pull away. Whoosh! I want the best for her as she grows and anticipate joyous times together. Whoosh! God yearns for our best and showers us with … [Read more...]
New Grandmother’s Nickname – What a Gift!
A New Grandmother's Nickname - What a Gift! If you could pick out a new name for yourself describing your ideal role what would it be? I chose Amma. “Amma?” You asked. “What do you mean?” My daughter Katie is expecting her first child in June and thus I enter the new realm of grandmothering. At first this presented an identity crisis for me – I am not old enough to be a grandmother, I thought. An unknown author wrote: “It’s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one.” But then I embraced this new adventure and decided to honor the passage with choosing my name. I wanted it to be just the right name – representing how I saw myself and exemplifying this new role. I talked to many other people asking what their grandchildren call them or what they called their grandparents. By the way, this is a great conversation starter and most people tell great and unique stories about the names. I searched book stores and Amazon and bought two books about grandparent … [Read more...]