Autumn invites us to reflect. We sense the year wrapping up and we wonder where the time has gone. We remember what we wanted to get done and can no longer even find the paper where our hopes and dreams were recorded. We watch the leaves fall, urging us to also let go of busyness and burdens. If you are a long-time reader of this blog, you know I collect quotes. I love these tiny bits of wisdom. Words inspiring me to pause and ponder. Breathing in what others wrote that resonates in my soul. Here are a few of my favorite autumn reflections: At no other time (than autumn) does the earth let itself be inhaled in one smell, the ripe earth; in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honeysweet where you feel it touching the first sounds. Containing depth within itself, darkness, something of the grave almost.  Rainer Maria Rilke Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love - that makes … [Read more...]

Go is my word for the year. No one warned me in January that this tiny word would so powerfully weave its meaning into my world. Go stretched me in new surprising ways. My expectation with the word Go felt like a forward motion. I wrote out phrases such as Go with boldness. Letting Go. Get up and go. Go for it. Go the distance. All leading me onward, accomplishing, moving, crossing the finish line. Go transforms its meaning to me lately. Go invites me in a new direction.  Go deep. Go deeper. What does this mean? Go deep stirs up my imagination: descending into a dark damp cave. Entering a new eerie world full of unknowns and shadows and definitely out of my control, yet being led by the Light. Maybe pushing my roots, small shoots at a time, straining into crusty earth, new soil.  Leaving the safety of shallow waters and diving underwater, holding my breath, scanning the sea floor for hidden treasure. I sense I am working, yet not producing.  … [Read more...]

Reflection is an essential spiritual practice. The Enneagram offers insight and guidance in how we are motivated and how we see the world.  I know some people are suspicious of this tool but like any assessment if we remember it is only one way to gain self-knowledge. When we live a reflective life and the more, we grow in understanding ourselves, the more we discover the true self deep inside us created by God. I found the Enneagram helpful in peeling away the layers of false narrative covering my soul and leads to reflection. Recently I read the new book by expert Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes titled The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up – Find your path, Face your shadow, Discover your true self.  This book presents a concise overview of the enneagram and chapters on each number. I do like how each chapter contains key patterns, and the strengths and shadows of each type. A good book for beginners and to add new insight for others who have studied this tool previously. The … [Read more...]

Go. Be nice. That simple phrase I heard in my prayers the other day. “But God. I am nice.  Or at least I like to think I try.” My initial response was more of an excuse than I willingness to follow. Adding the word, my word of the year, Go, to that phrase did add a bit of urgency and direction. So I prayed and pondered and found ways to practice being nice. The invitation is to be intentionally nice to those I meet. To remember all are struggling, carrying hidden hurts and unspoken wounds. To give grace. To do the most loving response at that time. Being nice may seem like an ordinary unexciting option, but we all appreciate people who are genuinely nice. Being nice isn’t most of our default mode, our natural instinct. It requires effort and energy.  I know many times I don’t want to be nice or take the time to go that extra mile. I sure can rationalize reasons to be nice later.   Then I learned today (October 5) is National Do Something Nice … [Read more...]

Intense. Crazy. Simultaneous life-draining and life-giving work. This is my life right now. God has called me to be a writer. I also know his calling to work as a Deacon and spiritual director. Both missions are in a season of intense deadlines and demands right now. Yet I feel God’s peace, strength, and accompaniment through this turmoil. Much of my time currently involves a major rewrite (the best writing is rewriting) of my book manuscript due in mid-October while at the same time, the pastor I work with is on sabbatical and I am covering for her until she returns about the same date as my book deadline. Yet I feel God’s peace, strength, and accompaniment. Why is this time different from previous times of upheaval in my life?   Self-care and soul-care. I stumbled to standing firmly on these two fundamentals without much forethought. I knew this time was coming, was limited, and would require my best physical, mental, and spiritual self. And I am … [Read more...]

“Anticipatory anxiety. I think you are drowning in anticipatory anxiety.”  A good friend said this to me several months ago and I can’t seem to get that phrase out of my head – anticipatory anxiety. The more I ponder, read, and pray about this, the more I think she is right. Anticipatory anxiety is the fear, dread, worry you experience before something happens. The “What if” type of thinking. The expecting the worse. The overwhelming emotions of failure before the event even started. Trepidation trembling in my toes through my tummy and trapped in my throat.   The day my friend shared her observation with me I was anxious for a zoom meeting with an editor about my book manuscript. I was sure to end up a failure when the opposite occurred. The meeting finished with a clear plan of action and the feeling that I could get this done.  I had been wrong, very wrong, about what was to happen.    I have experienced anticipatory anxiety before going to out … [Read more...]

I have been catching up on my reading piles these past weeks. Library books. Books sent to me to review. A few sitting so long on my stand their dust covers are actually covered in dust. The seven I worked on this week were disappointing, so I am not even going to name them here. It is hard work to write a book; authors pour their soul into the words. Who am I to criticize them?  I do love books, so it was odd to dive into so many in such a short time that left me bored and wondering where else to spend my time more productively. I never connected with them as a reader. Always an optimist, I gathered them together and asked myself what did these books collectively teach me? They all reminded me the value and importance of living a life on a solid foundation, nourished by faith. Many of the books listed rules the authors adopted for their lives. One author wrote two long books, each dedicated to only 12 rules.  Another writer dug into her family history, her roots, … [Read more...]

Ever notice that the word “routine” shares the root word matching the word “route?”  When I hear “routine”, I assume images of dull, everyday schedule of events - predictable and repetitive. I often think of routines occurring while I am at home or on ordinary days, yet tucked away in this mundane word is a journey, a path, a “route” away from the average and into adventures. We just returned from a family trip to Disney World, journeying into a place far from my usual schedule.  As I reenter into the pace and place of home and the return of chores, calendars, and commonplace, I savored the return to routine. I compared and contrasted routine and adventures in this post blog written several years ago.  Both offer refreshment for the soul in their own unique ways and God is in all moments. God modeled for us in Genesis, a rhythm of productivity and rest.  He dreamed, created, shaped the universe, stepped back savoring in its magnificent beauty and declared it all … [Read more...]